Avenue Q is ridiculously, hysterically and pretty freakin' awesome!!! :D.
Welcome to Ally's lil' corner of the universe (does it even have corners?) where everyone one can live the insanity that is her mind. Originally begun some 20 odd years ago (20?!) as a high school diary, this blog now contains (somewhat irregular) updates on where Ally has been and what she has been up to - often alongside whatever other bizarre musings happen to be meandering by at the time ;).
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wait! Hold it up! HALT!!!
*somehow imagined to the sound of screeching tires*
heehee... sorry... right, (back to serious mode) so, what was that all about you ask?
I think I've decided to institute a strict policy of agnosticism in regards to the future: I can't possibly know, I don't really need to know and, trufully, there's no point in worrying about it 'til I get there, I can't do anything before then :P. I mean, knowing just takes all the fun out of life! where's the surprise in things? The shock in finding out about something about to occur and the adrenaline in making it just in time? The horrifying realisation that you've just remembered you forgot about your last tutorial, have an essay due in 3 hours and haven't started yet? Now that's living (well... maybe the last one not-so-much :P)
I just feel like I've been rushing my life the past two terms (possibly due to the fact that I've been doing ridiculous amounts of stuff *wrinkles nose*) and there's really been no need to. It's not as though I actually have a plan or any solid incling of what I want to do with my life when I graduate - why should I???
Gah! I should just focus on learning as much as I can while I'm here and enjoying it to the fullest!
Worrying about what comes next and how this pertains to it is exactly what I swore I would never do! (am I just letting other's questions get to me? Why am I felling so insecure about it..?) Even thinking about it makes me feel as though this is just a step on the way to something else - and I've never wanted that. I've always maintained that university should be for learning's sake the way it was orriginally intended and not just some step on the ladder to a career or job.
Only I seem to have forgotten that at some point... When did I lose track of that thought and begin to think of this as something I just had to 'do' in order to get on with my life??? I don't want that. It needs to stop. Not that I haven't been taking advantage of all the oportunities and all the enormous libraries and craziness to learn... I've just sort of being doing it because I'd programed myself to, rather than conciously doing it. It was like part of me was working on autopilot while the rest worried away and planned what it would do in the future...
It's not right, I haven't taken enough advantage - must rework strategy from now on :P.
At any rate, agnosticism worked in highschool :P. I just sort of enjoyed life as I lived it, did what I wanted to do or felt was right, and overall just didn't worry about the future - and look where I ended up :D. See, it all ended happily *grins*. That said, in large part I suppose that was more because I had faith that I could do anything with my life based on the marks I was getting and the range of courses I was doing... faith I just don't seem to have now (look! The wellspring of insecurity has been found :P). I mean I know that's ridiculus given that I'll have an Oxford degree... but it's only in Arch&Anth and it will only be a 2:1 at best... is that good enough to give me complete freedom of choice?... not really...
Ah well, nothing to be done about it now (look! *grins* I'm putting my preaching into practice!) 'cept of course to enjoy myself and take advantge of the rest of this term and all of next year without worrying at all where it will lead. Just having faith that life will turn out all right in the end. It always does anyway, because it will be lived in whichever direction it goes, and that's all that really matters. It's never too late to change course and it's never too late to begin accepting what's been learnt in the interim as acceptible and enjoyable.
Yup. so that's it. Agnosticism regarding the future is the way forward ;).
heehee... sorry... right, (back to serious mode) so, what was that all about you ask?
I think I've decided to institute a strict policy of agnosticism in regards to the future: I can't possibly know, I don't really need to know and, trufully, there's no point in worrying about it 'til I get there, I can't do anything before then :P. I mean, knowing just takes all the fun out of life! where's the surprise in things? The shock in finding out about something about to occur and the adrenaline in making it just in time? The horrifying realisation that you've just remembered you forgot about your last tutorial, have an essay due in 3 hours and haven't started yet? Now that's living (well... maybe the last one not-so-much :P)
I just feel like I've been rushing my life the past two terms (possibly due to the fact that I've been doing ridiculous amounts of stuff *wrinkles nose*) and there's really been no need to. It's not as though I actually have a plan or any solid incling of what I want to do with my life when I graduate - why should I???
Gah! I should just focus on learning as much as I can while I'm here and enjoying it to the fullest!
Worrying about what comes next and how this pertains to it is exactly what I swore I would never do! (am I just letting other's questions get to me? Why am I felling so insecure about it..?) Even thinking about it makes me feel as though this is just a step on the way to something else - and I've never wanted that. I've always maintained that university should be for learning's sake the way it was orriginally intended and not just some step on the ladder to a career or job.
Only I seem to have forgotten that at some point... When did I lose track of that thought and begin to think of this as something I just had to 'do' in order to get on with my life??? I don't want that. It needs to stop. Not that I haven't been taking advantage of all the oportunities and all the enormous libraries and craziness to learn... I've just sort of being doing it because I'd programed myself to, rather than conciously doing it. It was like part of me was working on autopilot while the rest worried away and planned what it would do in the future...
It's not right, I haven't taken enough advantage - must rework strategy from now on :P.
At any rate, agnosticism worked in highschool :P. I just sort of enjoyed life as I lived it, did what I wanted to do or felt was right, and overall just didn't worry about the future - and look where I ended up :D. See, it all ended happily *grins*. That said, in large part I suppose that was more because I had faith that I could do anything with my life based on the marks I was getting and the range of courses I was doing... faith I just don't seem to have now (look! The wellspring of insecurity has been found :P). I mean I know that's ridiculus given that I'll have an Oxford degree... but it's only in Arch&Anth and it will only be a 2:1 at best... is that good enough to give me complete freedom of choice?... not really...
Ah well, nothing to be done about it now (look! *grins* I'm putting my preaching into practice!) 'cept of course to enjoy myself and take advantge of the rest of this term and all of next year without worrying at all where it will lead. Just having faith that life will turn out all right in the end. It always does anyway, because it will be lived in whichever direction it goes, and that's all that really matters. It's never too late to change course and it's never too late to begin accepting what's been learnt in the interim as acceptible and enjoyable.
Yup. so that's it. Agnosticism regarding the future is the way forward ;).
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