*glances upwards* well now, that's a rather ominous title... *shakes head* It's strange really though... I'm starting to find I can't remember at all what it was like to be younger than I am now (that being said, I keep forgetting how old I actually am and seem to continuously think I'm 18 - odd given that when I was 18 I kept forgetting that I wasn't 16 :\.... hmmm, maybe I just mature slower than other people, after all, I apparently don't look any older than 16 (and act no older than 4 :P - a fact which was recently pointed out to me by my wonderfull and oh-so-loving friends at UofT *lovingly wrinkles nose in their general direction*) *nods sagely* yes, that must be it. The explanation is merely that I am a slower maturing brand of human. Which naturally means that, not only will I live longer but, according to the latest palaeoanthropological research suggests the development of a larger cranial capacity overall (well, if I were my own species that is... which I'm not *stares down all her friends who were about to suggest that that would explain a lot about her :P* ... It would be pretty cool to be your own species though wouldn't it??? well, apart from the fact that you wouldn't be able to interbreed with other people... on the other hand it does mean that you could safely assume you'd never have to go through pregnancy or labour... assuming of couse that you were a diferent species based on the biological species concept and not the - okay, I'll shut up now... ) lol, but I digress - and wildly so) *shakes head to clear some space for her previous line of thought*
It just seems so strange I remember not that long ago being able to remember clearly not only what I had thought at previous stages in my life, but how... I also remember thinking fiercely that I would never forget and wondering how anyone ever could... and now I barely even remember what I was thinking about. I look at my younger cousins who are now nearly 16, 13 and 12 and I just feel as though I have absolutely no concept (I feel significantly closer being able to place myself in the place of the nearly-18-year-olds but even that seems nearly foreign)... I don't really get it... they just seem so young and yet I know they're not, not really anyhow... not when I look back at all the stuff I was doing at that age, what I was capable of and what I know/vaguely remember thinking at those ages... it's so bizarre how something can just change you so much... but have I changed really? and what is it that's changed me? being away from younger kids for so long, surrounded pretty much only by people my age (and older) while at university, when I used to interact with people of all ages on a daily basis? Or is it the effects of the English culture? You know, it's funny. When you first meet the English people the stereotype of making sure to 'keep a stiff upper lip', of a cold and proud people on the aristocratic side, a hospitable one on the poorer (with aspects mixed in to some degree on both sides of that devide) and one which only really lets loose with the aid of alcohol in evenings spent with friends at the pub does seem somewhat apt, but then you get to know the people (once you get past the inevitable conversations about the weather, but even then there's still a buffer, people never really go for the truly personal - in contrast to Americans who seem to want to give you every grimey detail the second you meet them, therby truly offending many of the English ;) ) and they don't seem so bad and you start to think that it is really only a stereotype - and a potentially wrong one at that - based on past traits and not reflective of the present condition at all. The thing is, once you're here long enough, or you travel between the cultures enough times, you realise that it is a fairly accurate representation... oh, the truth is much more subtle than the stereotype but it is a distinctively different culture (especially in contrast to the mediterrenean cultures I grew up with and the Indian and Asian cultures I was constantly surrounded by) and one which I don't find to be altogether healthy (not that I'm advocating the spill-it-all-over america culture, 'cause really that's just scarily over the top in the oposite direction) No, I think what has been truly been brought home to me (not that I didn't know it before, so maybe it was more re-afirmed than brought home) is just how much I love the more calm and middle-of-the-road Canadian culture - especially the amazingness of the Torontonian culture which allows for such an incredible mix of everything without somehow forcing anything to be lost - oh there are cultural compromises but they seem to be on a case by case level so that most things are preserved somehow, even if only in taught memory... *smiles* I donno, I guess I miss the mediterranean cultural aspects as well but at least I can escape to places like Portugal in Europe to get those ;)...
...I guess, overall, what I'm trying to say is that even though Oxford has been amazing - the access to books (it's been like some awesome three-year-long-reading-and-dancing holiday *sighs happily*) and the sheer volume of available knowledge in the form of tutors, friends and visiting speakers has been incredible; I can't even begin to express how great it's been to having Yuka's ballet teaching for the past three years, being constantly surrounded by the beauty of the architecture and the gardens, meadows, rivers and other gorgeous features (the nicely temperate weather hasn't been too hard to cope with either ;) ), or how awesome its been to be able to run around playing sports from football to frisbee, punting and learning how to row; and all the friends I've made and how much I'm going to miss them (and despite the English 'cold fish' stereotype, I have made quite a few - there are always exceptions to the rule, and even when there aren't, some people are still pretty cool *grins* ) - I am going to be really glad to be going home in the fall. It'll just be so nice to be able to settle back in to a culture I'm used to, one which I understand and one in which everyone is expected to be different, to have different cultural mores and attitudes *sighs* I guess that's why it's home :).
lol, and after another long digression, I return once again to the topic of age-empathy :P. *shakes head and laughs* I'm not really sure where I was going with that one, It just seemed so strange to me to suddenly feel so distant from my youthful self. Though I guess it wasn't really sudden, but that change does seem to have happened over the past three years or so *shakes head* ah well, maybe I'll regain it if I imerse myself in children when I get home :P... the weirdest part about it is that in some ways I do feel like exactly the same person, that I haven't changed... or at least I feel that way when I go home... here I feel slightly more... withdrawn? individual? english?... lol, maybe it is the culture... or maybe it's that over here I'm alone without a network of friends and family built up through infancy so it's almost as though I don't have a history or established place to link back to... I don't really know but it's interesting to think about... I guess I know I have changed in someways, I can see it in my demands for more... personal freedom? that's not really right... it's more like freedom from societal obligations... it's like I refuse to want or recognise any obligations/responsibilities of that sort... almost as though I feel them pressing on me so much more than I ever did before... that I see them as being something unwanted, bad, not related to the self in a way I never would have before... in a way that's almost dissengaged... it must ultimately be a product of completely uprooting and restablishing myself in a new network without so much depth though... same as anyone establishing themselves individually elsewhere I guess... I suppose self:society should never be a dicotemy. It should always be a balance... yeah, it'll be nice to re-sink my roots *grins* maybe it'll make me slightly less esoteric in my blog-topic choices as well ;)
I suppose that brings me on to updates, what with all the cryptic comments about returning home in the fall ;)? Ooh! Speaking of updates (last digression, I promise!) I love how I went from obsessing about the fact that I wasn't updating daily in the blogs first year (*looks sheepish* yeah, I was rereading old blog posts... vain in someways I admit, but it was in an honest attempt to remember what was going through my head in those days (answer = not much it would seem, I sound like a whiney spoiled brat... which I supose in some ways I was but, ultimately I think that's more a reflection on what I chose to blog than on what exactly was going through my head :P) ... actually it's kind of interesting when you think about what people choose to blog about, the tone they choose to take and when they choose to blog... what does that tell you about them? Does an analysis of that sort actually tell you more about them than the the actual content? Or does the choice of the reader to read certain blogs tell you more about them than the blog tells about it's actual writer? Or does not of this really even matter given that it's a digression of a digression (and thus doesn't count toward my digression count :P)?) right, returning to the topic of postage (not that it actually matters) I love how I went from nearly weekly postage in the first year to barely biannual postage in the subsequent years (hey, I have been getting better though!) *shakes head* possibly because no one actually cares, but then, who says you have to post for someone anyhow ;). (on a side note, a happy very belated 6th birthday to my blog!)
Hmmm... I should probably get dressed for dance shortly... and have done work at some point this morning (whoops!). Ah well, it was only me wanting to work and not a deadline anyhow :P.
But yes, I did return home for a brief spell during the Easter break (and got snow! in April *shakes head* remind me again why I'm going back to toronto? Not that I don't love snow... and not that I'm not thankful to whoever it is that controls the weather for saving it up over March so that I could have just a little snow as a delayed birthday present when I got home in April (yes, that is why it snowed in April :P, nothing to do with random chance and weather patterns, nothing at all... ) but still!) lol, Easter was lovely (english-ism!) though and I got to see/spend time with all the family as well as hanging with friends, getting to go to my first jewish Seder (thanks Jess!), buying new books and managing to catch up (to some degree) on missed movie-watching oportunities :D. Portugal prior to that was also awesome. Lisbon was Gorgeous! I loved the absolute hilliness of it, the rediculously golden-gate-like bridge, the small winding streets with tiled and pastel-coloured houses, the sea-food, the beach at cascais (the Atlantic is cold! -unsurprisingly really :P), the rediculous butchery-like prunounciation of a romance language, the old castle with it's piroscope thingy for sieng the whole city, the wonderful kindness of the people, everything about Belem and, of course, the three pasteis do nata (aka custard tarts) we ate each day :D. Porto was pretty darn amazing too with its steep cliffsides bordering the river Douro, medeival semi-alpine village feel and endless supply of free Port at the Port lodges (we didn't get drunk in the middle of the day on free Port, 85cent pink Pink Port and a cup of really yummy port (white for me, tawny for Charlotte) with chocolate... oh, no, of course not :P). *grins* Portgal is absolutely incredible though, *sighs dreamily* I would love to live in Lisbon :), and I would definitely recomend it as a place to go! and their signs!!! The archaeology department in Lisbon has done such an incredible job at putting clear and descriptive signs up in both Portuguese and English; and the level of the language used is just incredible!! *sighs again happily*
Anyhow, after that and before heading briefly back to Oxford to pack and get home, I spent another day at Charlotte's baking cookies and figuring out how to make the Pasteis do Belem that we loved so much. *grins* They were yummy.
What?... Wait, Why?... Oh, yeah! Of course... going home ;), well, y'see, looks like I will be heading to UofT in the fall to do an MSc in BioAnthro alongside a collaborative program in International Relations (MAIR) *grins* I've already turned down my Oxford acceptance so now all there is left to do is finish my degree here (aka, do my exams) and get a 2.i (hopefully as easy as it sounds...) :D!